I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
