I can't watch pbs sober anymore
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
