Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
