It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
