69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
