There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
