No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
