pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
