Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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