Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Small penises have feelings too.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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