dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
