one two three fourrrrnication!
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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