girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
