Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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