Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
