bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Green mimosas i think yes
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize