remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
