Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
