I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
