Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
