I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize