i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
