Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
