Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so explain again why im purple
no
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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