i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
