in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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