So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
