He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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