Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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