If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
