she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
