wakey wakey hands off snakey
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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