believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
