oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
