There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I could fuck to npr.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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