I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
