Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
pray to the hookup gods
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
