well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
