I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
