I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
