drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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