I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
