i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
