cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
where am i from again
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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