I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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