I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Fuck appropriateness.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
