Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
