I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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