Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
