drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
