He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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