How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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