I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
