i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
