her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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