I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
