no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
