worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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