You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
