I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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