It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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