I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
