I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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