guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
