Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize