flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
