we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
