Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
