Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
