i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
